No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
