remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
