I got chris browned last night
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
