We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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