on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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