Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
