does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize