i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
