So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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