So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
