8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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