if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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