a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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