Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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