I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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