A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
