Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
