you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
