it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
