I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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