new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
