nut hugger
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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