not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
