I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
