I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I love having hate sex.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
