I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You ever have a fart follow you around?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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