I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
