That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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