i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you will always have a special place in my vag
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
