guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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