this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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