i was born a porn star she said
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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