The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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