I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
