The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need moral support for this bender
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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