You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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