Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
