1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
