i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
