need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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