My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
