Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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