Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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