And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
