Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize