Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
