What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Help. Why am I so naked?
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