So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
