i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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