On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
