Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
