Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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