If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
