I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
