she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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