Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
