if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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