need another drink. this is the easiest way
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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