All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
