And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
