i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
