The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
