Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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