I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
