i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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