shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
