PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
