Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
