Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
