How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize