she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I've blown a few things in my day
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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