Need sex. Gaining weight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
