it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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