Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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