I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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