cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
