I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
