i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize