He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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