The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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